Sunday, November 25, 2007

Love me for Who I Am....Not What I Am...

ever since all my best friends around have coupled up.....sometimes i did feel lonely and wish dat there is someone dat i can depend on....many say that its not i have no luck to get involve in relationship....its js dat i dont accept any of them......

yea...they are right.....its not bcos i got no chance to involve in relationship...its bcos i dont wan to accept any....why? bcos i have lack of confident....bcos i scare to get hurt again...bcos i dono wat i want....and bcos i dono wat he want from me.....

some other guys might think that its cool enuf to have gf....to show off....to reduce their loneliness...they js choose those who look pretty...they judge from the outlook...not from the inner beauty...and some will approach to u bcos u are rich...u are well known...all those means "the love with purpose"....if they having this kinda opinions...does it means that the relationship wont last long?? since they js simply pick without thinking for any longer...i had met alot of dis kinda guys...thats wat make me lack of confident in guys...their hearts are not sincere enuf...when they fail to court u then they will change another target and go for another gal....or even they got u, they will js take it for granted...leave u aside...bcos they had won the bet..

me....many said dat i tend to think alot....but thats my nature...its hard for me to change...i think that if somebody likes u....wan to be with u...he shd not care of how long the time took for u both to get together...he will respect u...he loves u bcos of who u are....bcos of who he is to u...bcos of who u are to him....he will understand wat u wan n wat u dont...he will understand wat u like n wat u dont....he treated u as good as he can without counting on u....who loves u without purpose but wat u meant to him...who wish to have u in every single part of his life...to share the joys...the happiness....the fails....the sadness....

again....i shall say....there is no rush to get involve in relationship....mainly bcos the longer the time u be with somebody, u will know better his/her personality...by the time,its not too late to make decision whether both of u suit to be together or not...if in the period u found that he/she is not really suit for u....its ok....bcos at the end, both of u will be still friend...."dont mind having the love for the moment...but mind for having the love forever...." thats wat i think...

Why....

Tonight.....1.40am...

Lying on the bed....cant really sleep well....because smthg has ruined my mind....

Why?? sometimes i wonder....is there NO TRUE FRIENDSHIP between a guy n a gal?? if no...why this kinda thg keep happens on me...??? i love my friends...all my friends....guys n gals...i have really alot of friends...but deep in my heart...there are js a few of them who seems to be important for me...i can only share the real me with them...actually i need them the most....i love them......but why....cant we js be friend??

I dont want to lose a friend js because of this matter....i know it might hurts...u might cannot control ur feelings...but me too ok?? i treated u as my true friend....a friend who is important for me...a friend who i treat with my sincere heart....a friend who i cant lose...but u had chosen to put a dot in our friendship....

Love is not everything....sometime love cannot be forever there....but friendship can....i choose friendship...bcos i m not ready yet for LOVE....or bcos u might not be the Mr Right for me...bcos i hope we can keep in touch forever......

Please understand me....ur words really hurts me....ur action really hurts me.....i js a normal gal....why cant u js treat me like the other gal friends around us? i m so envy....i m envy of them....bcos they are still ur friends....and i m not anymore....bcos they can still talk like normal to u but i dont even have a chance anymore...

I really hope that...this kinda situation wont last long....i missing the days when we all play like mad...the moments we share....please...be my friend again....accept me to be ur friend again....dont give up our friendship js bcos u cant turn it from friendship to relationship....

Please......u are still my best friend....an important for me....

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I AM GOING CRAZY ! ! !

man.....this few days keep busy about the uni thingy....cant even have a nice rest.....keep on thinking how to settle the needed things as soon as possible....meanwhile waiting for the offer letter to reach by impatiently.....

when i was so happy receiving the offer letter last sat....DAMM!! the stupid management of U send me the wrong fee bil ! ! thats not mine!!! thats diff name from mine!!! arrrghhhh.....i cant even make a call to the person in charge as today is SUNDAY...THE OFF DAY of government sector....aRRGhh!!!! STUPIDDDD!!!!
how am i gonna to settle all this??? really pissed off!!

2mr friends going to bank to settle all the fees thingy....and i will follow as well...but....MAYBE I JUST FOLLOW LIKE A FOOL WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING since my bil is the WRONG ONE!!!!!!! ishhh.......really going crazy!!!!!! wth.........(=_=)".................

Thursday, June 21, 2007

New Life Coming Soon

As been announced in my msn...i got USM management which is my 1st choice out of the 8 choices in my application form...at the moment i knew this info, the 1st thing i did was...

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"OMG!!! WAOOOHHHH!!!!! YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!! MAMA!!!! I GOT IT I GOT IT!!!!!!! "
then hug my mom tightly with my tears in the eyes...tears of happiness but somehow deep in heart flowing tears of the heavy hearted...

As u all know...USM is in Penang...which is very very far from mlc...which means i wont get to back to my hometown as frequent as those in KL...i think the journey from mlc to Penang takes 7-8 hours...haizz...when my parents were congrated me...i saw the sadness in my mom's eyes...she told me that she was happy for me but sad bcos i m not getting Uni in KL....but then later on she tried to soothe my heart by saying that it really doesnt matter where i get as long as i can get whateva i interested to study...she also said that its very good too to get USM cos this means she has the greater chance to travel to penang due to paying visits to me....ma, i knew that u are sad n heavy hearted...y u just pretended that u feel nothing? at the moment...i really cant control my tears from flowing out of my eyes...unstoppable...continuously...i can only hug my mom n silently cry....this is the 1st time i need to leave my mom n dad n kor so far to be independent in a brand new environment...honestly...i felt a lil lost...i dont even know that will i suit myself over there...even though i well covered the anxiety in me n look so happy as everybody thought....

But then something that really get to calm me down from being an anxious kid was that i get to know most of my friends getting the same Uni as i do!! like lilian, pei ling, meiying, sy ying, wei ping, chee sin, tze xian, chee wei, jasmin, wei fern, darrel, seow, wei sim, clarian....they all got USM but some of them are taking enginerring course wic means not in the same campus with me...however, now i get to know that i staying the same hostel with mei ying, it makes me more calm...altho dono whether can get to stay in the same room, as long as i got a friend staying the same hostel, it already makes me relief...hehe...at least i still get the nearer S.O.S if i face any probs...keke..

These few days everyone of us are busy for the uni thingy such as...apply for the ptptn loan online,read the buku panduan,prepare everything thats needed to bring up,buy this n that...the most important thing is the OFFER LETTER which now not yet been received by anyone of us!!! arrrghhh....damm slow...dono wat the gov plp doing.....make us so impatient for waiting...as the registration date is on 30June...but by now none of us get the letter yet....man...how to settle things like paying the fees and send the forms need to be reached by 1st July?? arrghhh...really really worry...LETTER...WHERE ARE U?? FASTER COME TO MY HOUSE!!!!! (=_=)"...

Meanwhile...i started to appreciate every seconds with my parents....accompany them as much as possible while i still here...online as much as possible while i still manage to do so...hang out with my friends as much as possible before we apart...haiz...what kinda complicated feelings in my heart now....happy + excited + wondering + sad + scare +.........one side in my heart saying.."faster...i want to know hows my new life in USM!.." ...but another side in my heart saying..."dont so fast le...i still not prepare yet....heavy hearted towards my mom n dad...and my lovely comfortable bed of course!!...dono will get suit to sleep on the new bed onot...swt.."
haizzzz....wat a complicated feeling....

Anyway....Life wont be always the same....same as plp around wont be always the same too....whenever we come to certain stage, its time for us to face more obstacles n challenges that will train us to be tougher, more independent, more observant...as i was kinda "lost" thinking for my future...God had determined n lead me a way...USM management...personally i m very believe in my God...i think that HE will certainly lead me a good way that bring me to my future...trust HIM...hopefully i m not choosing a wrong course and wish that my life will be even brigther over there!!!

NEW LIFE HAS COME!! GoodBye to all my friends especially Lene lene...we will no longer can hang out together as frequent as we do usually lor.......same to Audrey who will be study in UKM...please dont forget me horrr...miss u le sweetiee....and Chun Hwee...hopefully he wont forget me after go to Sabah....and my other friends....TAKE GOOD CARE guys!!! looking forward for the next gathering which most of us will exchange the uni life stories to each other!!! love u all n will always miss u all!! PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME OH!
muaccckkkksss!!~

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Alarm out from the windows...

Its already 1.35am while i start to write this article...today was a peaceful day for me...since i stopped working, i almost had my own sweet time everyday...for example, thursday nite i was out with lene and lilian them to support chun hwee singing at wings cafe...friday noon i had a nice day out with lilian at mp...and today...supposed to attend my colleague 21st birthday party but due to the reasons that my closer friends not going (cos i not really close with the birthday, js get to know after working ) and even myself dont know where is her house...i only knew that its located in duyong but honestly i really not familiar with the roads over there...so at last i had to send a msg to say sorry for not coming...sadly she replied that she was so disappointed dat most of us (me, lian, peiling n meiying who get to know her after joing the family of padini ) cant be coming...sighh...me too sad =(

But then my blog today was not all this...as my title suggested, my blog today had something related to the alarm that i heard out from the window beside my computer...if u all read newspaper...surely know that the hottest case happen in JB recently...a rob n rape case...which the criminals still not yet be arrested...this was the most shocking news of the month that i knew...and since that the day thay incident happened...i think most of us get to receive sort of msg that related to this case...as in "please pay attention to the TOYATA ALTIS, JJG 8513, this car suspected to be driven by the 4 criminals who involved in the rob n rape case in JB, please do not go out during the night if not necessary"...man, when i received this msg, my heart was like freeze for 1second...what a mag that can frightened up most of us....

And the Most scary msg was received ytd from one of my friend...saying that "Police had found that particular TOYOTA ALTIS in JUSCO MELAKA just now, please be alert n do not go out during nite alone! "....i was like..."WHAAATTTT??!!! JUSCO!!???".....i was there during the noon time with my mom man!! what the...?? this msg really frigthen me much than the former one! JUSCO is quite near to my living area...my heart beating faster n faster every second....but then i still able to sleep after watching drama til 2am something...

When i woke up today, after brushing teeth n washing face...passed by the dining table...the newspaper was on it...the big headline caught my attention...i stopped my steps and took the papers to see clearly as i din wear spec on..."THE CRIMINALS OF ROB & RAPE CASE IN JB HAD BEEN ARRESTED BY POLICE"....thanks GOD....that moment i felt so released! but then the smaller sentences beside the headline once again caught my eyes..."3 criminals had been arrested n 1 still running for his life.."....Oh MAN!! how come!!! arrgghh....i was so angry and started to have a lil worry again...i did not know why i would have such strong feel of worries towards this case...maybe the msg of "JUSCO" scared me up i think....but then my worries were not as distinct as the days before...

About late evening...once again i received the same msg from another friend of mine...the JUSCO msg...at the moment in my heart saying.."aiyo..this one got ad lar ytd...since today the papers ad announced that 3 criminals have been arrested..nthg much to worry ad..."...so i deleted that msg....

JUST NOW.....before start to write this blog...while thinking what to write for today...A SOUND OF ALARM CLEARLY HEARD OUT FROM THE WINDOW BESIDE ME.....it was so near to me...it was so loud to me similary...it was not the usual alarm...its really loud!! from the loudness of the alarm and the loudness of the friction between the cars tyre n road...u will know how fast the cars passed by!! it was like sort of racing in F1...here are just a small taman which are full of humps n rough roads....why the cars drove fast?? it made me thought of the case again...the JUSCO stuff appeared once again in my mind...man...really shocked me up!! i was guessing whether the police was trying to over take that particular car to arrest that left criminal?? was it??? i cant stop thinking of it and the alarm still so clearly be heard even they had already gone so far....

Haizzz....i was thinking to go church tomorrow...but now i think i have to keep my plan again...as i always need to go alone without companion of anybody....i admit i m not a daring one...i dare not to drive alone to so far especially during this kinda DANGEROUS HOUR....arrgghhh...sick of it...sick of myself.....dono want to go church or not.....

GOD please forgive me...

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The 2nd Narrow Escape

THe 9th June...

Early morning...the sun shine into my window...woke me up....when i opened my eyes, my room was so empty...i could no longer see my cousin sleeping beside me again....what a lonely feeling...nobody can let me kacau ad...everything back to normal..

After i brushed my teeth, my mom was asking me what i wanted to eat for the BREAKLUNCH ( breakfast + lunch )...i suggested chicken rice at melaka baru there...

Again...i be the driver again...well, i dont mind to be a driver cause i kinda like driving too hehe..

When i on my way...approaching the traffic light, i saw the green light started twinkle like star...i was very near to the traffic light yet i did not add oil but i press break slowly because it was a turning point...must slow down i thought in my heart...

All of the sudden, i saw a motorbike riding out from the other side of traffic light!! man!! my here still green light le!! the motorbike was riding towards my right side which was my driver seat, i could not stop immediately because there was one Naza Ria behind me driving in a very fast way n very close to me!! i was shocked by that situation and i made a fast decision to slow my car a lil bit down....and the motorbike PASSED in front my car js within that second!! in a very fast way i pressed oil to speed my car at the turning point there since the car behind me light on me panicly! Fuhh...nearly i din drift my car...if not i dont think my little kancil can stand it, maybe i will just lost control n bang into the divider n fall into the river !! Really Dammm lucky that it did not happen!!......

Sighh..but i was been scolded badly by my mom who sitting next to me...she keep shooting me like machine gun..non-stop...i knew it was dangerous but what can i do?? if i was to stop my car immediately dont she know the car behind me will just crashed into my car maybe it will be more serious than i bang the motorbike sideway lightly as i already cut off my speed before reaching the traffic light....she dont know how fast the car behind me was!! i was totally blank that moment and just bet for it by my driving skills....actually no much confident....but at least i did it...the Naza behind me instantly over take me after the turning point cos his car was too fast!!

Man...it was not the 1st time i met this kinda ridiculous road user ( was referred to the rider )...lots of time i been able to escape from accident...i think most probably i being blessed by God...Thanks to God once again...thanks for the blessing......

In the name of the FATHER and of the SON and of the HOLY SPIRIT...AMEN........

The Camwhoring Day

The 8th of June...

Today was the last day my cute cousin staying with me...she needed to stay at my uncle's house tonight because she will be following them back to muar 2mr morning...sigh...i was a lil bu she de her to go back but i cant do anything because she need to study...=(

So today we had a very wonderful moment together before she left!! i drove her to mp today as she so longed to shopping with me..hehe...by the way, we also looking for one suitable dress, not for me but for her to attend a wedding dinner n installation dinner...as she always trust my taste...she asked me to choose the dress for her! wow..it was a really a tough tast for me...

We shopped in mahkota for almost 1hour+ finally we entered a shop named OGL which a dress caught my eye...i chose 2 dress actually, but after my cousin try both of them, i made the final decision to get her the blue one as the white one was too sexy for her...not suitable for her age...after that, we needed to find some accessories to match with the dress, i was looking for one long pearl necklace to match with the dress...as i knew we wont able to find valueable one in mp, i decided to go dp to find...

In dp...in a very fast way i found the matching necklace in one shop wic i always enter during my working time...hehe...so i was very familiar with the accessories sell over there...finally all was ready and my mission was accomplished! hehe...but then after i did my part to fulfil her wish, i need some time to settle my things too...that was back to the Padini concept store to return my uniforms n pay visit to my colleagues over there!!

Wow...i was so HAPPY to step in the concept store WITHOUT WEARING UNIFORM! lolx...guess my dressing that day suit me much? my friends all almost cant regconise me wheni was back! they said i looked diff in casual wear n said i bcom prettier! lolx...but wait a min...they said i bcom prettier ad...meaning i looked ugly during the working period huh??? Oh my....but nevermind lar, as long as they still able to regconise me! kekeke...

I was so happy, i was like back to my old hometown..the feeling of walking everywhere also got plp call "Hey Valerie!....hey thats Valerie...nice to see u again Valerie...eh val miss u oh!...." lolx..dono how to describe!! so i was chatting around with all the colleagues under diff outlets...as the cencept store was so QUIET that moment ( normally less customers will come in noon during weekdays )..i gained a great chance to chit chat with my dearest colleagues!! hehe...really so HAPPY!!!

Well, happy hour always short for us..its time that i need to go home for dinner...sadly i left the concept store with all the hands waving at me...even security smile to me...

At home..after dinner..here my cousin asked me for camwhoring!! lolx...man...her last wish at my house was wanting me to help her make up n take some nice pic in her new dress!! well, i always a good jie jie for her...hehe...so i try to fulfil her wish and make it in time b4 we left to uncle's house...man...she was not only want herself to put up nice make up n dress but she wanted me to accompany her too!! swt...well, since i already promised to fulfil her wishes, i accept the suggestion pleasantly^^ so this was the slideshow of some pics that we taken and after editing by me..